I was going to make a video about
this on YouTube but there are so many people who share their individual story
with everyone through this method. Maybe I will make a video one day but in the
meantime, this blogpost will do.
To
some who may know me in real life as the bright, bubbly, hyper saxophone player
who looks after those she cares about, it may come as a shock that I've
suffered with social anxiety all of my life. Recently I've experienced my own
form of depression/anxiety, even though my life right now is the best it's ever
been. And I hardly talked about it with anyone because I hate talking about my
problems with people. But I feel as if I've been brought to this world to help
others as best as I can so if you're going through a similar situation,
hopefully my perspective on this important issue can be taken with a pinch of
salt and possibly help you to fight against the demons that haunt you. If you
need someone to talk to, contact me, send me an email, talk to me on Twitter,
anything, don't fight this alone like I did.
I
made a list of notes on notepad, mainly as short points for what I was going to
talk about in a video, most stuff has been taken from Wikipedia, NHS and other
websites on mental health. So here we go.
Depression
Definition from Google: feelings of severe
despondency and dejection. "self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to
depression"
Definition from NHS: The symptoms of depression
can be complex and vary widely between people. But as a general rule, if you
are depressed, you feel sad, hopeless and lose interest in things you used to
enjoy.
Postnatal Depression: a type of clinical
depression which can affect women after childbirth
Bipolar Disorder: two extremes of depression
and mania (high mood).
Seasonal Affective Disorder: winter depression
Anxiety
Definition from Google: a feeling of worry,
nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. "he felt
a surge of anxiety"
Definition from NHS: Anxiety is a feeling of
unease, such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. Everyone has
feelings of anxiety at some point in their life. For example, you may feel
worried and anxious about sitting an exam or having a medical test or job
interview. During times like these, feeling anxious can be perfectly normal.
However, some people find it hard to control their worries. Their feelings of
anxiety are more constant and can often affect their daily life.
Social Anxiety: a discomfort or a fear when
a person is in a social interaction that involves a concern of being judged or
evaluated by others. Social anxiety involves an intense feeling of fear in
social situations and especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which one
will be watched or evaluated by others.
Stage Fright: anxiety in terms of performing or
preparing for a main event
Angst: an intense feeling of apprehension, anxiety, or inner
turmoil
Existential Crisis: the feeling that is
experienced when thinking about life itself being without any meaning at all.
My notes on Depression/Anxiety, like I said take them with a pinch
of salt.
First
thing I would say is this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Self-Doubt
is a killer, chances are you'll accept criticism more than compliments.
Depression
can hit you like a ton of bricks, even when it seems like your life is going
well. It doesn't just occur when you lose a loved one or when your life goes to
shit. The happiest people on the outside can be hiding so many demons on the
inside.
You
lose faith in yourself and even those around you to help you when you need it
most.
Anyone
can get depression or anxiety, some more than others.
Anxiety
is often linked to depression even though it may seem like the other side of
the coin.
The
pressure of everyday life is a lot to handle, especially if you have a busy
schedule or feel pressured to do well in life.
When
you experience a panic attack: you're not able to breathe, your whole body
hurts, you feel sick, almost as if you're going to spew, you can't physically
move, you're terrified, claustrophobic, lost.
Anxiety
and depression can make you lose or gain weight that you can't seem to control.
You can make yourself ill, you attack yourself on the inside and cry to sleep
every night because it feels like no-one can help you. You get more emotional.
You shut yourself from friends and family. You can't fully socialise with those
you love as you get angry or upset with them for no real reason.
You
feel so alone. And it hurts.
What
I've learnt is, no matter how hard it is, don't let these horrible thoughts
control your life.
Life
is hard but the rewards will come to those who work hard for them.
Have
some time off to be able to breathe, spend time with the people you love, visit
places you've always wanted to go to. Get away from work for 5 minutes and
accept the fact that it's the smaller things in life that makes it great and
worthwhile, that first cup of tea in the morning or that song you like playing
through your speakers, the one that makes you grab your hairbrush and sing so
loudly that your neighbours complain you're a terrible singer.
Do
whatever works for you, take advice from others in anyway you want, you're an
individual and your life should live through your own rules. One method that
may work for one person may not work with you, if that's the case, don't lose
hope. Keep fighting and stay strong.
Even
if you feel a burden and hate talking about your problems, talk to someone you
trust, whether that be a friend, family member, partner, councillor, or someone
online.
One
of the best ways of getting over your depression/anxiety is helping others that
are going through similar situations.
When
you get upset, get your playlist of sad songs, open your jotter or word
document and write down how you feel. Let all the tension out, scream, yell,
cry your eyes out if it helps all the built up weight ease off your shoulders.
It's ok to not be ok all the time. It's when it impacts your life in ways you
didn't expect it would, that's when something has to be done.
Your
depression/anxiety will never go away completely because it's part of normal
human reaction but you can learn to control it. Your worst enemy at times is
yourself so tell them who's boss.
Be
proud that you're still living your life, be proud of where you are and what
you have achieved.
But
also don't feel restrained to be someone you're not ready to be, you still have
time.
You
are not alone.
There's
always someone out there who loves you. ❤
